20More often than not high targets, green metrics and big numbers are achieved by powerful, motivated, larger-than-life managers forcefully instilling their vision, will and ambitions into the organizations they lead. These ones manage to meet the ends with extreme, top-down, pushy efforts, pressure and exhaustion draining the vivid energy out of their teams. And it works...for a while, and at a high price.
It is more than critical to have the personal drive to achieve. One of Goleman's 5 components of Emotional Intelligence is motivation – a passion to pursue goals with energy and persistence, for reasons that go beyond money or status.
But self-motivation just isn't enough.
Self-motivated leaders able to motivate others is an entirely different story. Because, in managing others, it is not about you anymore, but much more about them.

19Wikipedia defines the Stockholm Syndrome as a psychological phenomenon in which hostages express empathy and sympathy and have positive feelings toward their captors, sometimes to the point of defending and identifying with them. These feelings are generally considered irrational in light of the danger or risk endured by the victims, who essentially mistake a lack of abuse from their captors for an act of kindness. One commonly used hypothesis to explain the effect of Stockholm syndrome is based on Freudian theory. It suggests that the bonding is the individual's response to trauma in becoming a victim. Identifying with the aggressor is one way that the ego defends itself. When a victim believes the same values as the aggressor, they cease to be a threat.

18Have you heard about management by objectives? How about management by e-mail? Leadership by e-mail?
Wait...Did that last ones sound weird only to me?
In the modern world you can't practically do anything without e-mail. We receive, read, write, reply, forward and compose e-mails at the workplace, on the way home, at home, in the park or practically everywhere we go. Being connected is part of our daily routine and is a fact of life. E-mail is not a commodity anymore – it is a necessity.
There is one particular area however, where e-mail is actually neither of those. Did you guess already? Yes, that's right – Leadership.
Leadership is about emotion, it's about being able to touch and transform, to ignite, to inspire, to create a strong vision and feelings. It's about trust, integrity, respect and a feeling of unity and belonging. It's about the Leader whose personality and presence makes us do our best in a strange state of a razor sharp determination of will and euphoria. It's about contagious feelings. It's about exchange of energy. It's about what makes us human.
Now imagine accomplishing the above sitting in a fortified fortress, alone in it, with your people outside of its walls. You throw messages out, receive some back and in the meantime wait to hear the echoes of enthusiasm from outside...
Your desk is your fortress, your computer is your only interface to your team...

17You might think that you need an ambitious, meaningful and aspiring corporate mission to charge your organisation. And you are right!
But here are just three simple steps to start practicing immediately and which will boost up the energy of your co-workers as of today:

• Speed up your pace while walking through the office premises – this immediately infuses dynamics and rhythm to your environments.
• Increase the tempo of your speech – talk a bit faster, with distinct phrases, loud and clear. Let the Mirror Neuron System do its job.
• Use action verbs – end up meetings with action items that involve personal or group commitment, such as "We need to provide these reports" (not "These reports need to be provided"). Assign a responsible person and deadlines.
The high beat drumming in your organisation depends on your personal energy level. Apart of any mission, your influence is at the top of the list driving folks to rise the speed of execution blasting operational efficiency.
Try this today, observe the impact and share your feedback with us.
Best regards,

16I have to make a confession; that despite being trained as a coach, and whichever role I take up in life as a coach, as a husband, or as a dad, I don't always listen well enough, and I don't listen in a consistent way. I think the reason is that I allow my own thoughts to distract me from listening; while taking in the information communicated to me, I am processing, analysing, working out what to say next, when I could interrupt, and I'm also drawing some conclusions on the impact for me.
And if I am already distracted when the communication starts, say by reading a book or an email, I will have missed the first – and perhaps the most important – parts of the message. So, the first step in listening is to switch my attention to the person who wants to talk, make eye contact with them, and signal that I am paying attention to what they say.
So now that I am actually listening, I have to take control of my emotional and thinking responses, remembering that listening happens on 3 principle levels.

15"There is no spoon", says the boy to Neo in The Matrix movie, "you'll see, that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself".
HRs and managers spend so much energy on assessing and coding employee's capabilities to "good" and "no good" tags. I've been always struggling with the concept of how easily we assign labels because people are just not as simple as that – they are much more complex, sophisticated and dynamic systems. Judging in the first place makes people oversensitive and focused on their "not good enough" features, feeling doubt, insecurity, anxiousness, guilt and low self-esteem. And we know how thoughts influence actions. As conferred in our previous posts, we decode these thoughts as negative emotional attractors and start avoiding risky situations, withdraw from acting, and build passive-aggressive notion of ourselves. Feelings tied to problems narrow our attention and cause zero in on the issues, slow us down, restrict our creative thinking and derail achievement.

A psychologist by education, I've spent about 7 years studying how difficult it is to build awareness about our inner world. The happiest person I've ever seen is a woman with unusual form of schizophrenia, believing full-heartedly that she was a princess living in a splendid enchanted realm of beauty and happiness. It seemed she had excluded all frustrating and negative emotions out of her psyche. Talking with her back then I was thinking about Don Quixote and his choice to evade the reality following an imaginary path of own values and beliefs.
But to have normal, socially adaptive life most of us need to face its full spectrum of emotional experiences. And more or less, we need to build awareness of all our feelings, all positive and negative ones, analyzing the causes of them.
In his model Daniel Goleman identifies 5 components that together form an actionable, practical description of the Emotional Intelligence construct. The first two – emotional self-awareness and self-regulation, are highly interconnected and involve mindfulness and intense psychological labor.

As people managers have you ever considered how much your ego actually affects all the dynamics in your team?
First let's start with a simple definition – Ego defines the "I" – our own persona. Our teams are then comprised of a set of different "I"s that work together to achieve a common goal, but today we're going to focus more on our own selves and touch a characteristic that is quite influential to the "I" and that is Confidence.
What is it to be confident related to people management:

People management is one of the most stressful careers a person could choose – it just goes with the job! Expectations are high, there is always too much work to be done with too little resources, one deals with all kinds of emotions and situations within the team. In a nutshell: if you consider taking the people management path and want to be successful then you should forget about your comfort zone.

11 1Have you ever watched people talking in pairs or larger groups and noticed how their body language tells you first if they are relaxed or tense, and second – more importantly – how strong and trusting is their relationship? And if you join them, do you sense the atmosphere, do you "pick up the vibes" of their meeting?
What you are observing, and drawing your own conclusions from, is the degree of rapport that is established between the people in the group. And when you are coaching, Rapport is the most important foundational skill which you can use. The International Coaching Federation (ICF) describes this as the core competency of "Establishing Trust and Intimacy with the Client, the ability to create a safe, supportive environment that produces ongoing mutual respect and trust." And here are some tips that you can use to build and maintain rapport.